Over the past few weeks I have been feeling well and truly “stuck”. As I approach the halfway mark of the manuscript for my memoir about India I suddenly feel like a tortured artist.
I look back at what I have written and I hardly recognise the words. I look at my plan for the second half of the manuscript and I feel overwhelmed.
Can I do this?
Am I wasting my time even trying?
The truth is, I have come too far with it to give up. I keep telling myself that even if it never gets published at least I will have a special memento of India to read in my old age!
But it doesn’t feel like enough.
I simply have to do this.
However, every time I went into my study to write I got distracted by the clutter on my desk and my heart sank.
A little voice in my head reminded me of the Spring mermaid card video that I made. The card for May was ‘Simplify your Life’. As soon as I pulled it I knew it was a giant prod directed at me! Of course, I laughed it off (on video no less!) and proceeded to do…
…precisely nothing about it.
Instead I spent the first half of May feeling completely aimless and drippy. I have been telling everyone else to declutter and Spring clean without actually doing it myself.
Whilst living in India, the majority of my ‘stuff’ was in storage. When we arrived in Tokyo I unpacked and shuffled it all about a bit but I didn’t properly sort through it. I decided it was time to start ‘walking my talk’.
I’ll be honest, I still haven’t finished organising everything but, like the manuscript, it is reaching the halfway point and it feels better already.
As I waded through my wardrobe, it started to feel like my cupboards were a metaphor for my book manuscript. My memories and impressions of my life in India are a big jumbled mess that need decluttering.
Writing the second half of my manuscript is my way of processing everything that happened over the last couple of years.
It isn’t going to be easy but I know that it is my dharma.