This week, my friend confided in me how she felt when her local yoga studio closed down. She had been attending classes regularly at the studio until it went bankrupt. She explained that it felt like breaking up with a boyfriend and it took her a long time to get over the loss of her teacher.
I could really resonate with her because over the last ten years I have lost a few of my spiritual teachers for three main reasons:
i) They or I have moved
ii) Our values didn’t align
And here’s the big one:
iii) They have rejected me
The moment my spiritual teacher rejected me had been brewing for a while. I had been asking for help and not getting it. I had asked questions and never received answers. This person had been stringing me along with empty promises and, in my optimistic naivety, I believed every word they said:
“Why don’t you sign up for this course that I am teaching and we’ll cover it then?”
So I paid more money for more courses and still I was ignored while other people, mostly those who did as they were told and didn’t ask questions, were given opportunities that I wasn’t.
I am an advocate for second chances and I believe everyone is inherently good so I kept pushing this person until they said the following words to me:
“Joanna, you are not one of my chosen few and you need to accept that.”
Honestly, it hurt. I cried for about three months and I analysed my role in the whole scenario. I already knew deep down that I wasn’t one of the “chosen few” but to hear it said to my face was tough. However, it was necessary.
Like breaking up with a boyfriend, my friends told me to forget it and move on but I struggled to make sense of it. This person had made me feel that I wasn’t good enough and my self-confidence has still not fully recovered. My open heart closed over to protect itself.
Now, a year later, I can see this situation for what it was. If I had been one of the “chosen few” then I would still be trailing around after this person and believing the hype. Instead of being a sheep I have become a fierce lone she-wolf. Indeed, the second line that came out of this teacher’s mouth was:
“You’re going to go off and do your own thing anyway.”
Yes, they were bang on the money about that!
If you are mourning the loss of a teacher, for whatever reason, use it as a tool to discover that you are strong and powerful in your own right. Don’t give away your power to other people and don’t let other people bring you down! You are more capable than you realise and you do not need anyone’s permission to move forward on your spiritual path. You do not need to get another certificate, take another course or obtain approval from anyone. You are already there.
You are the teacher.
I have not only accepted that I am not one of the “chosen few” but, more than that, I am grateful.